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… was the question posed for this year’s world Autism awareness day. This question aimed to stimulate conversations about sensitive and well-considered responses upon finding out about someone’s autism. So I took this question to a few community Facebook pages but added another question that was directed toward the parents and also utilised person-first language.

Using Person-First or Identity-First Language

The most prevalent theme that came out in parents’ responses was rather surprising and interesting; it seems the controversy over person-first or identity-first language is alive and well! Do you have a child with autism? Or, do you have an autistic child? Although I came across a swagger of literature that argued the former, person-first language, was the preferred terminology when speaking to parents about their children, that advice didn’t hold strong out in the world of social media. There was clear evidence that identity-first language (ie, autistic person) was preferred amongst those that responded. But what does this mean for those of us trying to interact sensitively? It means never assume! You can read a thousand peer-reviewed journal articles or have interacted with 10,000 autistic people/people with autism but the reality is that every human is unique. Regardless of the depth of the person’s identification with autism, it doesn’t automatically mean that they subscribe to a generalised language preference. Instead of assuming, ask the question, do you identify as an autistic person or as a person with autism?

Respect the Child’s Knowledge

Speaking of asking questions, one mother responded by stating that her wish is for others to ask her child what being autistic/having autism means to them. This request, although seemingly simple, taps into much deeper underlying concepts – validation and respect. Does the ‘development-in-progress’ status of children’s brains influence society (unconsciously, or perhaps consciously) to perceive their blossoming minds and respective worldviews as uninformed and irrelevant? These children and young people are experiencing their world first-hand, they are the ones living out their superpowers and daily struggles, knowing what does or doesn’t feel right stems back to their own feelings and perceptions. Ironically, this insightful mother is telling us to challenge the old adage mother knows best. That can be a difficult belief for many to challenge. However, the child’s perspective takes out top prize for valid interpretation and deserves more respect than we, as a society, tend to show.

It’s Okay to Ask

In a nutshell, what we can take from these parents is to simply ask. It’s only when we can replace our beliefs with curiosity can we learn more deeply about others. This knowledge provides us with the foundations to understand how we can interact with sensitivity and respect. Imagine you’re making a lemon tart and you blindly process your fruit for the recipe, assuming you’re working with lemons. After you’ve finished making the lemon tart you take that first bite only to discover that you were working with apples, not lemons. What’s your reaction to that mouthful? Shock, surprise, amusement, disgust, confusion? What if the lemon apple tart had feelings? The situation quickly becomes uncomfortable. How different would the outcome have been if you’d recognised you were working with apples and changed your approach to make an apple pie instead. Mmmm amazing, everyone loves apple pie, right? Terrible analogy aside, the message is simple – substitute assumptions with questions and then interpersonal interactions can be more thoughtfully accommodating and respectful of individuals’ unique qualities.

Help Make the World More Autism Friendly

To wrap up this blog, I’d like to thank my family, friends, and community for supporting me throughout May as I’ve undertaken the walk for autism challenge. I committed to walking 7,000 steps each day in May to raise funds for making the world more autism friendly. This is such an important cause with more than 70% of autistic people/people with autism experience mental illness because of the challenges they face everyday. It’s a tough gig navigating a world that isn’t autism friendly. With the challenge ending on Friday the 31st of May, please consider clicking here to open the fundraising page and donate a couple of dollars. Thank you so much!

Felicitations 😊

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